Oh, the humble hamburger! Thought to have come from Hamburg, Germany, it too came across the Atlantic with its German immigrants during the 19th century and took up permanent residence here in the US. Its booming popularity has now reached the point where virtually anyone older than 3 years old has probably munched on one at least once in their lifetime.
The hamburger is truly an enigma of our time - essentially quite uniform in its overall form, but infinitely unique in the number of ways in which it can be customized according to one’s own unique taste requirements. Seemingly bounded only by the imagination of the chef and the availability of the condiments that can customize it to the point of singularity, the simple hamburger still must adhere to the following mandatory “3 Rules of Burgerdom” in order to fulfill and maintain its role as the preeminent national meal of choice.
The First Rule of Burgerdom dictates that whatever type of bread or bun is used to construct the burger upon, both the top and bottom pieces must be at least slightly toasted. Purists may insist on browning said bun without the benefit of any accoutrements such as butter or, less nobly, a fine mist of cooking spray, but the requirement remains - the bread must be toasted. Not only does it contribute to the overall melange of flavor being delivered to the anxious consumer, but it also helps postpone the inevitable creep of sogginess for those who insist on dallying while enjoying this consummate creation.
Secondly, it is absolutely imperative that only bovine or bovine-wild animal flesh be used to fill the role as the burger’s noble foundation, and furthermore, that it be fresh and of the utmost quality. The hamburger patty is the absolute epicenter of flavor for the entire burger construct, and there is no room for equivocation here. Whether it consists of top-shelf, Grade-A ground sirloin with a 10% fat content, or the more exotic yet very flavorful grind of domestic bison flesh, only the best burgers consistently use the best meat.
The third axiom is related to the second, specifically to how, to what degree, and what the ultimate result was of cooking the hamburger patty. Different tastes and cooking techniques allow for different methods, and one can argue the relative merits of frying versus open-flame grilling versus baking versus…well, you get the drift. Even the question of to what degree (rare, medium or well-done) the patty is cooked varies by personal taste with all choices equally valid (although undercooked ground red meat fanciers will need a strong immune system to shield them from the inevitable E. coli and salmonella bacteria they’ll be ingesting.)
No, the most important aspect of the Third Rule of Burgerdom is that however the hamburger patty has been prepared, that it must be hot, juicy and succulent upon serving. Undercooked meat may be considered to be haute cuisine by some, while others are equally insistent upon having their patty cooked to the point of becoming shoe leather in the interest of safety. There truly is room in the middle, a satisfactory straddle that does not compromise one’s health for flavor, and vice versa.
Knowing the rules have been followed, all the other modifications that can be made to a hamburger can now be considered. Although fun and tantalizing to consider, they are but of secondary importance, yet one’s mind can meander considering all the options…cheese or no cheese? Cheddar or American - and how many slices? Extra heavy on the standard veggies, or ride this burger basically bareback? Mustard, mayonnaise, or - heaven help us! - both? Poppy seed or plain bun? Extra bacon? Sliced jalapenos? Grill those onions for you, perhaps? Hold the mushrooms, but hit me with some of that guacamole, please! The mind absolutely swirls with so many delicious possibilities!
As the old saying goes, when you pay attention to the few big things that need it, the smaller things always end up taking care of themselves. You will thus always be richly rewarded with the perfect burger if you consistently adhere to the hallowed 3 Burger Axioms.
Has it been awhile since you had a really delicious hamburger? Our modest correspondent - a food fancier who can readily rattle off trivial tidbits like where the best burgers in San Antonio can be found - can probably also let you know where to find the best Mexican food in San Antonio, and more!
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